White Sparrow
by AlwaysextraordinaryMuse
Summary: What Kate Beckett's life looks like after the death of her husband.


This scene came to me while listening to 'White Sparrow' from Billy Talent and 'Forever and Always' by Parachute.

I hope you enjoy it! :)

* * *

Kate pulled a bottle of red wine out from the cupboard. Her hand held onto a piece of paper that came in the mail. A letter from Alexis.

_She sat at the table. The hours got later._

_He was late. He's never late. She's sure he would have called. She waited a little longer and walked up to the window. There was no one in the driveway. She turned around and picked up the phone. Her fingers started to dial when she heard a noise coming from the window. Her hand stretched down to place the phone on the table. She looked back to the window when suddenly the phone rang. She rushed over and pulled the phone to her ear. Her face dropped when she heard the news. _Her mind went to December_, the night he got down on one knee and said, "I want you forever and always. No matter what, I want you by my side. Through the good and the bad."_

_Kate pulled up to the entrance, and walked right to the front desk. She gave his name and placed both her hands on the counter. Her fingers curled, holding onto the edge for support. They lead her down a million halls, a maze that's never ending. The nurses spoke about what happened but Kate could barely hear them. She tried to keep a straight face as she walked into the room. She sat by his bedside, holding his hand too tight._

_"Forever and always," she whispered as a tear came down her face._

_The beeps were getting too slow. His voice was almost too low as he said, "I love you, forever. Forever and always. Please just remember even if I'm not there._

_I'll always love you, forever and always."_

October 29th, 2025.

Her feet crunched through pile after pile. Autumn leaves sang to her as they slowly drifted to the ground. She walked through row after row, an endless loop. Wind gathered her hair and blew it over her shoulder. She wore a black leather jacket and black skinny jeans. When she finally arrived, she kneeled down on the cold ground beside the headstone. Her hand traced the name engraved in marble. She gently wiped a streaming tear with the back of her hand. Her head felt heavy. Things were a thousand miles from normal. This is not the life she pictured herself living years ago. She let her head drop. Her hair fell swiftly alongside it. A tear hit the ground and she released a sob. Just one.

Kate sat beside the stone and leaned her head against it. She placed her hands in her pockets and sat quietly for an endless moment. She retrieved a piece of paper from her left pocket. A letter she spent all night writing to him. Her spidery fingers unfolded the fragile paper.

_Words were never my thing. You knew that from the start._

_You knew that no matter how hard to work to get me to open up, I couldn't. And still you loved me._

_You're the writer. I'm just a cop, or at least I was just a cop._

_Even though it may not seem true, I knew it from the very first day._

_You were my one and done._

_You were everything I needed. Everything I wanted._

_If I was asked, just a year before fate brought us together, where I saw myself in 10 years, sitting here beside you would not have been my answer._

_The thing is, although this pains me so much, even though the very thought of not being able to see you every morning breaks my heart; I wouldn't change any of it._

_It hurts to look back. I wish it wouldn't. It's been four years and still time is needed to heal the wounds left that dark night. I know it will take time before I can look back on the moments we've shared and smile._

_The night after I said, 'I do,' I held your hand as we took shelter from the rain._

_We ran, hand in hand, in a wedding dress and a tuxedo. We hadn't a care in the world. We spent that whole night laughing as we lay drenched in our clothes._

_That night we sat peacefully upon our bed and picked out our children's names. I want to go back to that night. I want time to freeze._

A single tear streamed down her cheek as Kate looked up to the sky and smiled, "I know you're watching over us."

Kate looked back down before she noticed a man. He appeared from behind a tree. He walked slowly closer. His hair, dark and neatly groomed, looked familiar to her. Kate's eyes darted in his direction. Her body, stunned. Her mind, jumbled. Kate's lips quivered as a tear crashed against them and broke like a wave. She stood up in disbelief, shoving the paper back in her pocket.

The man walked out from behind the tree. His hand linked to another one, a smaller one. A little girl. Her red hair swayed in the wind. Her features were smooth. Her pale skin soaked up the streaming sun. They walked toward her. They were soon followed by another couple. A tall woman walking hand in hand with another child. Kate's expression calmed. She looked at the family as they neared her. Her smile widened at the sight of the two little girls.

Kate leaned in to hug the man tightly as he greeted her. His grasp on the little girls hand released as she pulled away and wrapped her little arms around Kate's leg. Kate bent down and hugged the redhead tightly. Kate buried her nose in her bright hair. She looked up from the little girl's shoulder to the tall woman. Her hair almost duplicating that of the little girl's.

"Alexis," Kate murmured as the others reached her. Alexis dropped the girl's hand and wrapped her arms around Kate's neck in one swift motion. Alexis began to sob. Her knees became weak as she depended on Kate's support. Kate held her still as her body trembled in her embrace. Kate looked down at the brown haired child who stood still with a blank expression. She stared straight at the headstone just two feet from them. Kate let one arm loose while the other held Alexis tight to her chest. Her free hand reached for the child's and she squeezed it.

Alexis stepped back and wiped her face free of tears. She turned and picked up the redheaded child. Her arms wrapped defensively around the four year-old as she comforted her daughter.

Kate stepped closer to the brunette as she continued to look nowhere else but at her father's headstone. Kate knelt down and wrapped one arm around the girl's waist, pulling her closer, "he loved you with all his heart," she assured the child.

"I know." The eight year-old swept a piece of hair out from in front of her face, "I miss him, mommy," she said as she turned to face her.

Kate looked at her. She looked into her watery eyes for a lingering second before she pulled her in for a tight embraced, "I know you do, sweetheart. I miss him too," she whispered.

The thirty year-old woman stood beside her husband with their daughter in her arms.

"I'm going to bring the car around, okay?" He asked her.

"Yeah, we have a birthday party to host. Thanks, Max." He kissed her softly and she watched as he headed back to the car. Alexis walked over to Kate's side as she stood watching her daughter talk to her father. Alexis held her breath for a second and released it all at once, "I'm so sorry I couldn't be there." She cried.

Kate placed her hand on Alexis's shoulder, "shh, it's okay. Something great came out of it," she said as she looked at the four year old, "I'm sorry I missed-"

"Don't even worry about it." Alexis waved off.

"He would never have missed it. You know that." Kate smiled.

"I know," said Alexis with a smile.

"Kate." A familiar voice called from behind them. Lanie and Esposito walked toward them alongside Ryan and Jenny. The group greeted everyone with heartfelt smiles and hugs. Esposito bent down beside the eight year-old and waited quietly until she turned to look at him.

"Javier!" She called with a grin as she jumped in his arms.

Esposito carried her with him and walked to Alexis. Alexis stood watching him with her daughter in her arms. He placed a kiss on the four year-old's forehead and said, "Happy birthday, baby girl."

She smiled.

"Johanna, come say bye to daddy." Kate held her hand out.

Javier Esposito put the girl down and she walked to her mother. Johanna pulled her backpack off her shoulders and stood holding it in her hand. The two of them stood quietly off to the side of his headstone as the gang paid their respects one by one and walked to their cars. Alexis pulled a picture frame out of her purse and placed it in front of the tombstone. She kissed her hand and gently touched the cold marble. Alexis walked a few feet away to give Kate some space and waited there alone. Johanna looked up at her mom and received a nod as Kate smiled, signaling her turn. She placed her backpack on the ground and opened it. Pulling out a single rose, she placed it lying down in front of the wooden picture frame. A captured moment of father and daughter before their lives were changes, before their family grew. Johanna picked up her bag and walked to her big sister. They trailed behind the gang toward the cars, leaving Kate there for a few more moments.

"I love you," she whispered and pulled the paper out of her pocket for the last time.

_'Forever and always.' _It finished.

She leaned the paper against the picture of Rick and baby Alexis. Between the frame and rose. Her hand traced the date on the stone.

_October 29__th__, 2021._

She walked two steps away and looked back at him. She smiled as a tear left a trace down her cheek. A white sparrow descended from a nearby tree and landed on his headstone. It looked straight at her and chirped a single note. It leaped down to the ground in front of the marble stone and hopped to the objects that symbolized their memories. It looked at her once more and took off into the sky.

Kate smiled and walked back through the endless rows to her family.

* * *

_"I hold your casket gently_

_Walking to the grave_

_Dark clouds eclipse_

_The sun won't shine again_

_White sparrows fell from heaven_

_And carried _him_ away_

_Black arrows cut the strings of my heart_

_I kneel and pray"_


End file.
